Attempted Women Slaughter

Those Who Try To Keep Me Under, Will Only Find Me Using Their Head' As AFlotation Device.

You can't keep a good women down. So, ladies, can I please get an amen?

Why is it so, that when you move away from the lifestyle that was literally breaking you as a human, the ones who still want to stay behind (which is totally their choice) refuse to be happy for you?

Their views on you leaving behind a dirty, empty past always sums up to one ignorant opinion of theirs....

"You think you're better than others?" "You're so pretentious?"

Why is it that making different choices than old acquaintances or family members, results in you somehow being the bitchy one?

If me wanting a better life that uplifts my being and enables positive company to surround me daily makes me a bitch, then I wear the "bitch title" proudly!

It's always the ones who are stuck in the life you know was never good for you.

Yet, they claim they are loving it, but if you love something and are happy, you need not to condemn others for leaving what you consider happiness. Right?

It's because it's a bold face lie and I'm done allowing their immaturity to fool others.

They mess with the ones who leave their choices behind because their choices weren't ever bringing joy, which is why I left...and misery loves company. When company leaves...be prepared for all hell to break lose.

Happiness is a job, you work to get there and you work to stay there.

However, being happy doesn't always mean being right. Crack heads are happy while smoking the pipe...is that okay though?

Just to be happy?

Joy on the contrary, is found in the darkest moments, it lives within you even when happiness cannot be found.

I wanted something more:

I no longer wanted to allow that boy to degrade me, beat me down and convince me I wasn't worth anything.

I no longer wanted to use my body as a tool to obtain things that don't last.

I was in search of, more.

I wanted: my value system to change.

I wanted not: to be around the girls who could get horny off of Louis Vuitton bags and designer clothes.

So I made a choice; I chose better.

That was and is a threat to the ones who chose to settle.

As a result of my change, I saw how quickly friends and family could turn ugly, show their truecolours...or shades should I say...

NO!

Shade!

Singular!

Only Black!

I decided I deserved a man who loved me with the full and true meaning of love.

I no longer wanted to settle.

Superficial, shallow choosing of men got erased from my list and I made up my mind one day that the features of a man will not be the first thing I seek to find. Not the shape of his body but the shape of his heart.

I learned by doing that, you quickly attract real men...not little boys.

Men with ambition, men who want to put you ahead of themselves. Be strong for you when you are weak, cry with you when you are sad, laugh with you when you are happy, and most importantly, for me, love The Lord more than he loves you.

I changed my value system, I saw my worth and inevitably found a man who also saw it.

I never again will have to put up with a boy who cheats on me, beats on me and expects the whole world from me whilst emptying my soul daily.

I tried something different. I was also blessed that I was physically attracted to him as well, but his heart was so big that it wouldn't matter to me if he didn't have a face. I searched for his heart and found it, and second to Christ, it belongs to me and me alone, and in turn, he got mine and mine alone.

I now know what it is to love and be loved.

I now know what it feels like to make love and not have to make Jesus wait outside the bedroom door.

Marriage came next, which was something that was never on my list.

I suppose that was because I never had any close, healthy examples of marriage growing up.

Also, the thought of marriage with the boys I used to validate through made me sick. Being bound to someone who breaks your spirit daily was not appealing to a girl like me.

When I found out the feeling and result of meeting and committing to a man, my mind about marriage changed instantly.

I want to be bound to my husband forever.

But, the best part is, he also wants to be bound to me for life.

Unfortunately, the girls from my past, who don't practice self-love, made up every rumour in the book to try to convince themselves that my reasons for being with this man weren't valid.

I say convincing themselves because they could not convince me, and my reasons for loving him were all that mattered.

Girls I haven't seen in years all of a sudden had an opinion of why I chose my husband.

At first, I was bothered by it, then, I prayed about it.

After sometime, an understanding on this came to me as clear as crystal.

If you don't love yourself, your life or your partner doesn't treat you right. You’re attacking a target that was once so easy, it's a cowardly way to validate yourself, so you focus more on another as a diversion from your own life, a life void of joy.

I came to accept, unless these females grow up the way I did, they will always stay within their circle of gossip and the most talked about person among them is the one who they are the most threatened by.

Also, I realized, I left the life they lead for a reason. I don't value their opinions or aspire to be like them...look up to them.

I left what they still swear by for a better way to live...to find a way TO live.

So, it no longer bothers me if I hear the gossip that circulates through a small group of small minds.

I am now free.

Free from being an ugly girl, with an ugly, black heart,

I blossomed into a swan and my heart turned pure.

Whatever they used to know about me is only memories they can keep to make themselves feel better.

No matter how ugly of a past I had, no matter what dirt they witnessed.

The only thing that matters is that I am no longer that girl...they no longer know me.

If we met again, they wouldn't accept me as a friend. I find much relief in that.

I forgive them, every-day for trying to keep me down.

If I didn't, their cowardly tactics would win control over my emotions.

I pray that one day, they all find a place where joy sits and awaits them like the view of a sun set rising above the beautiful Belizean, Caribbean Sea.

ThankYou

YoursTruly